Living in the culture that we do, with Instagram full of photoshopped “models” and “perfect” women, confidence doesn’t come easy. I see this first hand in my office every single day. I will have a drop dead gorgeous woman sitting in my chair who is picking her face apart and focusing on the flaws. It is true – we are our own harshest critics! I love being able to make little enhancements that give this woman more confidence and I love getting the chance to tell her just how beautiful she is! We all need that from time to time– it’s so easy to get caught up in the comparison game, especially now as we live in the world of social media filters and photo apps!
To My Daughters
Now that I have twin daughters, it is my mission to make sure that they grow up with as much self-confidence as possible. I want them to always know their worth and just how special they really are! Recently, I’ve seen a bit of controversy online over whether or not calling your daughter “beautiful” is wrong or damaging. I completely disagree with this theory and want to share a few reasons why I think you should tell your daughter she is beautiful.
Beauty Comes in Many Forms
When we think of the word “beautiful,” we typically only think of physical attributes. You can help to redefine the word by explaining to them that beauty comes in so many different forms. Tell your daughters how they are beautiful in other ways.
Being smart is beautiful.
Having ambition is beautiful.
A compassionate and caring heart is beautiful.
Beauty comes in so many different forms. It’s what makes us different and what sets us apart that makes us the most beautiful. Anything that is special and one-of-a-kind, is beautiful. Your daughter is beautiful! If you explain to your daughter all the different ways she is beautiful besides her physical attributes, she’ll start to associate beauty with her entire self.
Boost Confidence and Reinforce Kindness
This works for both pointing out her most beautiful features as well as anything she sees as less than desirable. If your daughter has gorgeous eyes – tell her! Tell her when her hair looks pretty or what a beautiful smile she has. When you witness an act of kindness – tell her how beautiful it was.
When those teen years come and her skin breaks out with acne or if she needs glasses, braces, or anything “different” – remind her that behind those zits and underneath that metal and those glasses is the most beautiful little face. I believe that during those times when kids are feeling less than desirable, a parents’ words of affirmation can give just the boost of confidence that they need. Sometimes we can’t see our own beauty, and it takes a little reminder from others to help us see it.
Others Opinions Don’t Define You
My hope is that my daughters go into relationships with self confidence, and that they don’t need to feel validated by their significant other. I think it could be easy to seek validation from a significant other if no one else in your life is giving it to you. I think it is important that they hear they are beautiful from other people in their lives who love them – other than just their significant other. It is my job to ingrain in my children that they are beautiful just the way they were made. If we raise strong women who know their worth – they will be less likely to tolerate anything less than they deserve!
Raising Strong, Compassionate Women
Giving compliments is a wonderful trait to pass to your children. A compliment doesn’t have to subject a young girl to societal pressure to look a certain way—instead, it can introduce her to the affirmation that she’s beautiful just the way she is. Through a simple remark, we can demonstrate that women can and do build each other up. We can teach our daughters that, rather than being threatened by another woman’s beauty, or falling prey to comparison, we can admire and praise the good in each other.
They ARE beautiful!
Every time I look at my girls, I think, “OMG How are you SO BEAUTIFUL!?” Because they are! I love their perfect little noses and gorgeous brown eyes. And their tiny little toes. I love their crazy bed head in the mornings and Franny’s birthmark on her belly and Izzy’s birthmark on her toe. They are unique little masterpieces – and I want them to know it!
Telling little girls they are beautiful doesn’t mean we’re defining them by their looks, just as a comment about how smart they are doesn’t mean we’re defining them by their brains. An affirmation of one characteristic is not a denial of another. Little girls need to know they can be many things all at once: pretty and smart, compassionate and strong, assertive and kind hearted. Let’s tell our little girls they are smart, creative, kind, talented, hilarious, thoughtful, and whatever else is true of them. After all, telling little girls they are beautiful is to praise their most authentic beauty….it lets them know that they are beautiful, just the way they are.