You were someone before you were their mom, and that person matters.

One of my friends posted this quote on IG one day, “You were someone before you were their mom- and that person matters.” It caught my attention because it really resonated with me.  

Who I Was Before Getting Pregnant 

I used to be so different. Way more carefree. A different kind of fun for sure. I would stay up longer and sleep in later. I worried a lot less. I went out with friends a lot more. Sal and I would make plans on a whim and sometimes that even meant hopping on a plane last minute to the sunny beaches of Mexico.

4 years and three kids later and everything is different. Now I have to jump through 9 hoops and organize 5 schedules just to get a workout in. I feel like I need to find a sitter just so I can get to the grocery store, plan time to finish a convo with Sal, and I only dream of the day I can pick up a book or magazine and actually read it for leisure. I cannot remember the last time I have been shopping or getting my nails done or really doing anything for myself without a pit in my stomach or my heart racing with the anxiety of “I need to hurry and get home to my babies.”  Everything is a rush, rush, rush!!!

I had 3 babies in 14 months. The twins are now 3 and Enzo is 4. To say the last 3-4 years have been chaotic is a massive understatement. Sometimes it is hard to remember who I was before them before life is so different now. But, of course, I wouldn’t change one ounce of my life for the world, but I am not going to lie…mom guilt gets the best of me more often than not.  

It is easy to get so buried between working, wife-ing, and mom-ing that you leave little to no energy for you. And the small amount of time you leave for yourself – you feel bad for it!? Am I right? So many mamas including myself share the same feelings of overwhelming responsibility and stress, feeling like we are not enough or like we are not doing enough, wondering if we are selfish…. I often ask myself, “Is there something wrong with me?”  

Here ‘s the deal, “You were someone before you were their mom… and that person matters.”  

The ‘Old Me’ That I Miss

I think we all know there is a piece of us that gets left behind when we enter motherhood. What I’ve tried to do is identify exactly what part of the ‘old me’ it is that I miss. If I’m being honest I don’t really miss studying and working two jobs like a maniac, I don’t really miss the age of relationship drama and don’t really miss the late nights. Although sometimes I do miss the idea of a night of carefree partying, I know the reality of the hangover! 

What I think I do sometimes miss is the time I dedicated to myself without questioning if it was bad. I could fully plan every hour of my day for me without considering anyone else. Even typing that now feels wrong somehow! I don’t even want it back, I just think that it’s important to keep our personal identities as a mother. So what does that look like?

For me that means staying fun, staying healthy, staying driven and staying generous and kind. How can I implement that? Basically, by making sure to prioritize myself! Whether you’re a Mom or not, maybe you’re in a relationship, it is so important to prioritize yourself. 

‘Mom’ vs. ‘Racquel’ 

Being a mom is the most important job I will ever have in my entire life, but it does not completely define me! We have to realize that despite all the sacrifices we make for our babies and families that we still deserve to be in touch with the woman we once were!  

My promise to myself is this:

I will not forget the “old me” before I was a mom.

I will continue to chase my own dreams and by doing so I will set examples for my daughters so when they are moms they will do the same.

I will be more forgiving of myself.

I will remind myself that I matter – very much – and that in order to take care of my own little tribe of 3 tiny humans and a man who loves me for who I am, that I must first take care of myself.

In order to successfully take care of everyone and everything else in our life, to the best of our capabilities we have to prioritize our needs. Your wants and desires for yourself, your relationship and your family matter! You deserve to feel whole and fulfilled every day. Don’t forget it!

XO

Racquel