Self-love isn’t selfish — it’s essential. Think of it like oxygen on a plane: you can’t help anyone else if you can’t breathe first. Loving yourself means honoring who you are, what you need, and what makes you feel alive… without guilt, without shame, and without watering yourself down to make someone else comfortable.
When we were born our bodies were seen as perfect! No matter how many chubby rolls we had, everyone around us was celebrating our precious life. Somewhere shortly after that, society, the people around us, and the media taught us that we weren’t skinny enough, or we were too skinny. Not muscular enough, and too muscular. Boobs were too big or too small. Same goes for our bums. There’s no way to win.
We live in a world that loves to tell us what we “should” look like, wear, weigh, or do. And if we’re not careful, we start living by those rules instead of our own. But you should know, your happiness is too important to let it be decided by someone else’s opinion.
The thing is, there is no definition of beauty because each one of us defines beauty differently. There’s no right or wrong. Maybe you prefer a small slim frame or maybe you prefer to embrace the curves. Maybe you prefer pale porcelain skin, maybe you prefer a golden glow. What one of us thinks is attractive the other may not agree. And the thing is, it DOESN’T MATTER. The only opinion that matters is yours. You are living inside your body and it’s time you give yourself permission to LOVE it, head to toe.
Decide To Love Yourself and Take Action
If you want to learn to love yourself, you have to be ready to love yourself. That might sound obvious, but so many people approach self-love with one foot in and one foot out. If you have a bad attitude about the possibility of loving yourself then you’re setting yourself up for frustration before you even start. Openness is the first step.
Once you are willing and have made the decision to work on loving yourself then it becomes easier to decide what action feels right to you. When I say take action, I mean do the real, tangible things that are going to help you love to yourself more. *ahem* if that means getting Botox then great. If that means working out then great! Maybe it’s journaling every morning, setting stronger boundaries, getting a haircut you’ve always wanted, or finally investing in skincare that actually works. The action you take doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s version of self-care; it just has to be yours.
Here’s my take: I think all parts of our body are beautiful. But if you hate those little lines on your forehead or a habit you want to break, then why would you spend time convincing yourself you’re “okay” with it, if yourself not? You have two choices: learn to love it or change it. There is power in knowing you get to decide and could just do something to feel more confident. I’m not saying everyone needs botox or anything like that. I am in the business of helping people feel more confident and if that’s what will help you get there then let’s do it!
We all know being active can transform our bodies and the way you feel both inside and out. Fitness is a huge part of my lifestyle and in my experience those who stick with it eventually become addicted. Endorphins are addicting 😉 However, you won’t stick with something you don’t actually like and I think this is why many fall off the boat. Just because your friend is obsessed with CrossFit doesn’t mean you’ll like it. Just because you know Yoga would be good for your back or hips doesn’t mean you like it. So the challenge is trying new things until you find something you like. Try spin, pilates, barre, dance classes, row classes, swim classes! The options are endless. If you give it a fair 2 week shot I’m very certain that eventually you will find something that STICKS!
Drop the Negative Self Talk
Okay gorgeous, here’s the tough love portion of my talk. If you aren’t willing to change something then you sure as hell shouldn’t complain. Now I know, I realize that’s easier said than done. But here’s the truth: every time you tear yourself down, you’re training your brain to believe it. And if you aren’t going to make a change at least be KIND to yourself.
Here are the rules:
1. Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to your daughter or best friend. Your self talk matters, so keep it kind and uplifting. Make it a habit to be your own hype women.
2. When you catch yourself spiraling into negative thoughts — pause. Whether it’s about your appearance, or skills or whatever it may be, it’s okay to have the thought. What matters most is what you do next. Just remind yourself that you are okay, you are perfect. Even if you don’t fully believe it you have to practice letting go of those negative, self harming thoughts. Like any skill, the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.
Here’s the thing, your mind listens to everything you tell it. If you constantly feed it negativity, you’ll see the world through a negative lens. If you sprinkle a little dose of self-love, even on those days you don’t feel like it, watch your mindset shift. If you can follow these two rules you’ll be on your way!
Stop Apologizing for Taking Up Space
You’re allowed to show up fully and be proud of your wins (big or small)! It’s okay to set boundaries without having to explain yourself.
Loving yourself means believing you have a right to take up space in this world exactly as you are. It’s standing tall on your own without dimming your own light to make others feel comfortable. You are not “too much” for being passionate, ambitious, or outspoken. The people who are meant to be in your life will celebrate you and not try to shrink you for their own personal gain.
As I get older the more I realize that I have total control over who I let into my life. Your confidence doesn’t take away from anyone else. In fact, when you own who you are, you give the women around you inspiration to do the same. Strong women lift each other up. There’s enough room for all of us at the table!
Love Yourself Up
When someone tells us to make a list of the things we love about ourselves the very first things that come to mind are….well, everything we don’t like. Then making these lists becomes uncomfortable and not very fun. So instead of putting you through that I’m here to give you permission to change the things you don’t like. You don’t HAVE to love your wrinkles if you don’t like them. You don’t have to tell yourself ‘it’s fine they’re natural’ if you think you’d feel better without them..whatever makes YOU feel confident.
And this is why I love my job. I’ve heard from countless women and seen it with my own eyes, that they actually look better in their 30s than they did in their 20s simply because they started making skincare and treatments that enhance their natural beauty a priority. This is what investing in your skin looks like! It is truly remarkable what the right treatments coupled with medical grade skin care for maintenance can do to totally change your skin.
There are plenty of subtle treatments that can provide amazing results; Dysport treatments for wrinkles/fine lines on the forehead and around the eyes, Restylane to the tear troughs for hollow under eyes, Juvederm to enhance and define the lips, and routine use of medical grade skincare and acids. All of these treatments are done tastefully and slowly. The transformation doesn’t always happen overnight, but if you stick with the plan your best self is just right around the corner.
You deserve to feel the best you can in your own skin — unapologetically!
Even My Skincare Routine Is Infused with Self-Love
If cosmetic treatments don’t feel right to you, maybe a solid skincare regimen is all you need to start feeling better! My skincare regimen is a staple in my self love and a non-negotiable for me. I never go to bed without washing my face! Not only does it feel amazing but it’s just part of my regular skin maintenance and when I have clear glowing skin I feel more confident! One of my favorite at-home skin love treatments is on Sunday nights when I use a Lux Pads and wake up with refreshed skin on Monday morning! I call Lux Pads my facial-in-a-jar because they tighten and brighten overnight. It feels so good to wake up on a Monday morning refreshed with bright skin!
You don’t need 100 products. Consistency is where the magic happens. With religious use of a few good medical grade products you will see a huge change in your skin. Medical grade products contain more potent concentrations of “active” ingredients and you see more dramatic results much faster than with any drug store or beauty counter product. I am a firm believer in this! If you want to know more about how RFA Skincare came to be, I wrote an entire blog on The journey to RFA Skincare.
Be Bold, Be Unique, Be You
There’s nothing better than feeling good in your own body! At the end of the day whatever you do to build that confidence has to be about you and for you. Changing something for someone else won’t bring you satisfaction if you don’t love yourself already. If you are unhappy with something, change it…if you’re not going to change it then learn to love it!! The magic happens when you stop waiting for “someday” and start living in a way that feels right for you now.
No matter what you decide, make sure you can love yourself and be happy because we only get one life and we deserve to spend it happy. Our time is limited and its important to always remember to make the most of it by loving ourselves, others, and the life we are given, unapologetically.
Sending lots of love your way! Here’s a little reminder that the boldest, most beautiful thing you can ever be is to be unapologetically, you!
XO,
Racquel
