Secrets to a Happy Relationship

My 4 Rules for a Happy Relationship

I’ll always make my love and my relationship my #1 priority. This is the foundation of everything in my life. When we had our son, it became apparent very quickly that for us to be the best parents for him we had to first make sure we were taking care of ourselves and each other. Under a year and a half later I gave birth to our twin girls and that realization definitely still holds true. Having three active kids under 6 and running 2 businesses is enough to stress anyone to the max, so Mommy and Daddy time (no matter what that looks like) HAS to be a priority. It’s not always easy to balance work, family and fitness and the truth is, I don’t always feel completely balanced. But with every piece of my life, whether it’s  wife, mom, business, self love, I’m ALL IN. 

With this blog, I’m sharing my 4 rules for our relationship that keep me happy, honest and madly in love with my husband. I’m not saying our method is the end all be all but it keeps us strong, that’s for sure!

Rule 1: Support Each Other’s Goals and Dreams No Matter What

As much as we are one Sal and I are still two separate humans with different needs, goals, and dreams. There have been plenty of times over the last 10 years where we have come to each other with a dream or idea that at the time seems a little crazy, maybe unnecessary or money consuming. We try and have proactive conversations with each other, playing the devil’s advocate in a gentle way, but at the end of the day, I ALWAYS support his decision and stand by him fiercely. This is why- whether it’s a decision with the kids or a business decision the second I waiver so does everyone else. How can someone else support us if our #1’s don’t? We might not always agree but we always stand by each other and if we fall we help each other stand back up and reflect on lessons learned.

Rule 2: Invest Time in your Marriage.

I mean this one! Take time together. No phones, no kids (when possible). Sal and I try to go on a date once a week. It’s our time to re-connect. Sometimes it’s a fancy dinner and sometimes it’s grabbing a workout class together, going on a long walk, watching a movie, or escaping to our farm. The key is to always make time for each other no matter how busy we get or how many babies we have on our hip. Sometimes date night rolls around and I’m hesitant to go, you know “Mom guilt”. This especially happens when we don’t have a plan set in stone we just both ‘know’ it’s date night. To help combat this I’ve decided to book reservations ahead of time! I try and book on Monday so that by the weekend we are excited for our date and ready to relax! It’s easy to make any and every excuse not to go, “the house needs to be cleaned, I was away on Tuesday night with clients, we have a dinner party Saturday”. The excuses will undoubtedly come up in both you and your partner’s mind so it’s important to be on the same page that date night is non-negotiable. And I’ll tell you what, we NEVER regret going. Someday when our babies grow up & move on – we don’t want to look at each other and realize we’ve neglected us! Plus, who doesn’t love eating out?

Rule 3: Their Flaws do not Define Them

No matter how long you and your partner dated before you got married there will always be ticks and quirks that you may have either not noticed in the beginning or you were too busy in the honeymoon phase to care that now…well they tend to drive you a bit more crazy. If we focus on these ‘flaws’ they will be the only thing you notice and that leads to resentment really quickly which is a dangerous place to be. We have to remind ourselves that these habits are one very small portion of what makes up a beautiful, loving, amazing and kind human who we are sharing our life with. I empower you to keep your heart open, keep forgiving so you can keep falling in love with your partner over again. Separate the flaw from the soul. Of course, I say this within reason. 😉

Rule 4: Communication

Neither Sal or I are very good at hiding our emotions and we are pretty intune with each other, enough to know when something is up. In the beginning, we would each internalize things, thinking it would be better for the other person if we just handled it ourselves. But being open and talking about any frustrations we have ALWAYS serves us better. Oftentimes it’s a simple misunderstanding, and more often than not the other person understands the problem whether it has to do with them or just something going on at work. We work through things together and get to know each other more and more all the time.

Marriage or any relationship takes work. Just like anything else great in life you get out what you put into it. I feel so grateful to have a partner who takes as much pride in our relationship as I do. The stability and strength I find through my marriage allows me to succeed in other areas of my life, like as a mama and a professional. Together, we win!

Ultimately I try to remember these goals for our relationship! 

-Our marriage comes first

-Dates are intentional & a regular priority 

-Communication is essential

-Never STOP laughing together

-Keep a strong foundation in trust

-Support each other’s growth

– Don’t sweat the small stuff

-Always kiss goodnight 😘 

My marriage is my #1 priority. I want my babies to grow up seeing a loving, happy marriage and to learn the right way to treat their spouse someday. 

So remember, even on the toughest days, Live Passionately. Love Hard. Don’t Quit. 

xo

Racquel